On December 22 I feel like the big "C" was placed on our door.
so not fair.....

What is Your Label?

so many times
in life I feel we limit ourselves by our
"labels"
for me it could be

middle child
military brat
hurdler/athlete
buyer
mother
homeschooler
wife
future empty nester
adult orphan
step monster
grand mother
blonde
athlete
on the wrong side of fourty
WTF is my label now?

Why do we let these labels define our identity?
rather than let the soul or your being in that moment
your relationship with the present
define who you are in that moment

हेल्लो

An exercise in being present
what does that look like?
It's hard, shutting down your own agenda
listening,
looking into eyes
enjoying the natural surroundings

29

August twenty nineth.
I feel weird about
TWENTY NINE
So my Dad passed away on
TWENTY NINE of
August
my wedding anniversary is two days later
August
THIRTY ONE
but the year my Dad passed away..
of course there was no anniversary celebration.
No big deal for me
but when my :Mom realized what we were doing on my anniversary
she said "I'm so sorry"
but what I felt was
NO
I'm so sorry (wondering what her life was going to look like now)
On to
TWENTY NINES...
My beautiful girl was born on a
TWENTY NINE
in November
and my
beautiful mother saw her last sunset,
after 40 days of rain
on a
TWENTY NINE
of March
What should I make of
29?

Changing Jobs

So the time has come.
The boy has more than one foot out the door, he has his sights set on his future, and he is aiming high.
The girl has been kicked out of the nest, or gently nudged, she has grown a majestic pair of wings.
I can't wait to see what beautiful mountain they land on.

Yet when you are the Momma left in the nest you can't help but feel a little lonely
and inspired by the possibilities,
that "I can do anything" mentality
I want to say , youth is wasted on the young
but it's not.
believing ..... that is what we all need more of.

So now my challenge is what do I believe in?
What is my future?
What am I passionate about?
What feeds ME?

Because ,
you see
I have been the Momma in the nest feeding....
My most favorite job ever...
But they don't need to be spoon fed anymore

So now my second path of self discovery begins.
Wish me luck, hold my hand, and send me Kleenex.

August tenth- for Papa and Me

So it's been a while internet...
Whoever is out there reading this I'm not sure.
I have not written in a while because so much has gone on that is so
PERsonal.
Coming from a family where the joke at one point was "we are very private people"
sometimes it's hard to figure out what is O.K. to share.
But looking in the rear view mirror,
as one of my loved ones said
gives you clarity,
focus,
appreciation,
and great motivation to move forward and be present and joyful.

Today is August Tenth.
My Father's birthday.
Where to begin when I think of my Father.
Unfortunately the first thing that comes to mind is the day he died.
I was with my sister, sharing with her my special rib recipe, we were going to a beach b-b-q the next day.
The phone rang she started talking , left to a private place, and came back to me, handed the phone over with a shocked look on her face and then I got the news...
I don't remember exactly what my Mom said but it was something along the lines of "your father passed away"
that was it
in such a Boston, kind of tragic way.
So why on My Father's Birthday, do I go back to this memory?

because one of my first thoughts was
I hope he saw the video,
I hope he got the VCR fixed.
For his birthday present we made him a video, showing him everything I wanted him to be proud of,
Mostly me and what I was as a woman
yet also gifts that he gave me,
an appreciation of the natural world, nature , gardening, the ocean
and at the same time, things I was lacking...
outward unconditional, crazy over the top love
Jake saying I love you Papa
even though he didn't quite know who he was
Julia trying to show her Papa her best gymnastic moves
even though she didn't quite know who he was
but she knew it was important to me
jake knew it was important to me
So when I look back at that now
I can clearly see that was me,
in Jake
and Julia
saying
Papa look at me!!
Do you love me?

ब्रेअकिंग म सिलेंस

I was about to break my silence and I typed in the above Title and have accepted that the universe is telling me to go to sleep. I don't know what language that is but if someone actually sees this and can tell me something.
I would appreciate it .
good night maybe I will try again tomorrow or
there is also a good chance I will wait another six months.
You vote with your comments.