ch- ch- CHANGES

Why does life have to hurt so much sometimes?
or maybe it's just me
there is that pain that is just below the surface that has to poke it's pesky head up every now and then
it's ugly
it says you're not worthy
you're useless
what are you doing?
on your hands and knees washing the floor is that what you went to college for?
teenagers that say
Mom,
Really?
Now, what is now?
What is my role in now?
I fell in love with them on first glance,
it was my pleasure to nurture, guide, feed, transport, teach, comfort, encourage.
Changing roles
how do we negotiate that?
I want the boy and the girl to
WANT to come home
not run away and never come back
when they leave for
ahem
College.
I like them
I birthed them
and
most importantly,
I want them to get something out
of this parental relationship,
I want them to think in their most challenging moments,
I need to talk to
Mom
or Dad
I need some good advice.
That is the standard I hold myself to,
and I really don't want to fail.