What is Your Label?

so many times
in life I feel we limit ourselves by our
"labels"
for me it could be

middle child
military brat
hurdler/athlete
buyer
mother
homeschooler
wife
future empty nester
adult orphan
step monster
grand mother
blonde
athlete
on the wrong side of fourty
WTF is my label now?

Why do we let these labels define our identity?
rather than let the soul or your being in that moment
your relationship with the present
define who you are in that moment

हेल्लो

An exercise in being present
what does that look like?
It's hard, shutting down your own agenda
listening,
looking into eyes
enjoying the natural surroundings

29

August twenty nineth.
I feel weird about
TWENTY NINE
So my Dad passed away on
TWENTY NINE of
August
my wedding anniversary is two days later
August
THIRTY ONE
but the year my Dad passed away..
of course there was no anniversary celebration.
No big deal for me
but when my :Mom realized what we were doing on my anniversary
she said "I'm so sorry"
but what I felt was
NO
I'm so sorry (wondering what her life was going to look like now)
On to
TWENTY NINES...
My beautiful girl was born on a
TWENTY NINE
in November
and my
beautiful mother saw her last sunset,
after 40 days of rain
on a
TWENTY NINE
of March
What should I make of
29?

Changing Jobs

So the time has come.
The boy has more than one foot out the door, he has his sights set on his future, and he is aiming high.
The girl has been kicked out of the nest, or gently nudged, she has grown a majestic pair of wings.
I can't wait to see what beautiful mountain they land on.

Yet when you are the Momma left in the nest you can't help but feel a little lonely
and inspired by the possibilities,
that "I can do anything" mentality
I want to say , youth is wasted on the young
but it's not.
believing ..... that is what we all need more of.

So now my challenge is what do I believe in?
What is my future?
What am I passionate about?
What feeds ME?

Because ,
you see
I have been the Momma in the nest feeding....
My most favorite job ever...
But they don't need to be spoon fed anymore

So now my second path of self discovery begins.
Wish me luck, hold my hand, and send me Kleenex.

August tenth- for Papa and Me

So it's been a while internet...
Whoever is out there reading this I'm not sure.
I have not written in a while because so much has gone on that is so
PERsonal.
Coming from a family where the joke at one point was "we are very private people"
sometimes it's hard to figure out what is O.K. to share.
But looking in the rear view mirror,
as one of my loved ones said
gives you clarity,
focus,
appreciation,
and great motivation to move forward and be present and joyful.

Today is August Tenth.
My Father's birthday.
Where to begin when I think of my Father.
Unfortunately the first thing that comes to mind is the day he died.
I was with my sister, sharing with her my special rib recipe, we were going to a beach b-b-q the next day.
The phone rang she started talking , left to a private place, and came back to me, handed the phone over with a shocked look on her face and then I got the news...
I don't remember exactly what my Mom said but it was something along the lines of "your father passed away"
that was it
in such a Boston, kind of tragic way.
So why on My Father's Birthday, do I go back to this memory?

because one of my first thoughts was
I hope he saw the video,
I hope he got the VCR fixed.
For his birthday present we made him a video, showing him everything I wanted him to be proud of,
Mostly me and what I was as a woman
yet also gifts that he gave me,
an appreciation of the natural world, nature , gardening, the ocean
and at the same time, things I was lacking...
outward unconditional, crazy over the top love
Jake saying I love you Papa
even though he didn't quite know who he was
Julia trying to show her Papa her best gymnastic moves
even though she didn't quite know who he was
but she knew it was important to me
jake knew it was important to me
So when I look back at that now
I can clearly see that was me,
in Jake
and Julia
saying
Papa look at me!!
Do you love me?

ब्रेअकिंग म सिलेंस

I was about to break my silence and I typed in the above Title and have accepted that the universe is telling me to go to sleep. I don't know what language that is but if someone actually sees this and can tell me something.
I would appreciate it .
good night maybe I will try again tomorrow or
there is also a good chance I will wait another six months.
You vote with your comments.

Doggie Love

The Gift Of An Ordinary Day

This I could not capture ,
any better..
Sniff, Sniff.

A Late Valentine

because I'm always behind...
oh and add this to the "why didn't I think of this first?" pile
how many more of those will there be
before I think of it first.
Waiting......

Dooce- I get you

here's a direct quote that spoke to my soul ( my very tattered and twisted soul)
from dooce.com
"It's called the We're All Going To Die Homeless And Alone Spiral. I am the valedictorian of it."

should I comment on this or be silent and not scare off my friends?

Are you there God its me, Lisa?

Ok God , yeah I don't know how we're feeling about each other lately but can I say this?
I've got a bone to pick with you.
Why, why, why didn't you give me any musical ability, a voice an ear?
I would have done you proud ,
I would have thanked you at the Grammys. You know I would.
But instead you made me pray really hard,
and you blessed my children, but still.
I can't even fake it Karoke style.
What is the lesson in that?
Take your pick in this mash up, I wouldn't be picky if I could sing like
any
of
them.
If anyone out there is actually reading this other than me checking for typos...
Don't judge me for my love of POP.

Mashup 2009 par DJ Earworm - United State of Pop 2009 !!
by thony911

It's Only half past the point of oblivion...

so this is becoming mostly my personal journal.
had to add this because it was.... memorable.
And it captures that awesome feeling of love , being in love and at the same time saying really, me?
Call me sugar........





Lyrics

Note To Self

When you're feeling down, going to your High School's memorial page on Facebook might not be the best choice.
Or is it ?
It can fill you with gratitude or
Sadness, it's a toss up.
Like life , it's all how you frame the current reality.

you hurt I hurt

Love letter to my brother at fourty one,
It hurts me to see you deal with genetics or family dynamics that were out of your control and feel like you are diminished as a human being. We are dealt a deck of cards and how you deal with it is really where the story and the strength is.. That said I am so proud of your courageous, brave, spirit; you’re dedication to your sobriety . I guess the question is, where do you go for the inner strength that was not hot wired into the family or built up over time. One thing that has been an answer for me is letting it go. Think of it like a balloon, it’s not helping you so let it go. My biggest birthday wish since we started this on my birthday, was to let it go , for you to let go, the self loathing, the constant negative reel of life’s movie that plays out in your head, the negative conversation that is always in your head. Fight that , fight that. I say this because I share that struggle and I am on the outside of your head and I see you as the great human being you are, flawed , we all are. Your flaws make you beautiful, human. Your struggle is your badge of honor. You said today I’m fighting through major depression and staying sober. That is huge, huge.
I love you for that and your willingness to be vulnerable, to surrender is an inspiration to me. So pay attention to the gifts that are in small and big moments, I have learned from this experience with you. First of all we were there for each other at a very precise moment. That seems like it was meant to be, and I am mindful of the lessons . Because we share the same upbringing, and often the same challenges this is an opportunity to check in with myself and your struggles make me reflective of how am I doing in my own journey. So thank you for that.
I see you as a man who is fighting for the best life , a real and genuine life.
There are many , many people who just give up on that quest for the most genuine life. My wish for you is that you will find that, you deserve it you’ve worked so hard for it . Believe , believe. Lastly know that you are a gift to other people, you have helped many people so don’t be afraid to ask for help. Honesty, Integrity, Authenticity, these are qualities that come to mind when I think of you. Even now and especially during this time of extreme struggle.
So hold on-- I believe in you and a better future.
You deserve it.
Don’t ever question your worth.
I love you deeply in this time of struggle and always.

Lucky We Live Hawaii

There's a saying around here "Lucky We Live Hawaii"
It's meant to sum up the whole experience.
I wanted to share some of my favorite pictures from the last year that sum up the Hawaii lifestyle for me...
Girl by the sea, on the North Shore watching the turtles.


One of my favorite sunsets at the Temple Of The Holy Elks.


Care for the turtles.








SHAVE ICE!!!!



The Boy and Fire Poi








More tomorrow.

Math For a New Decade

Here's a math question for you:
What is the sum of
Pulled Hamsting+ Two Bouts of The Flu+Husband Changing Jobs+Moving+Other Assorted Illnesses+Stitches Rendering One Hand Useless
No the answer is not A WHOLE LOT OF EXCUSES!!!
The answer is
TEN POUNDS
further complicated by no fat clothes!!!

Hopefully P90x +Running= -15lbs!!!1

Public Service Announcement

I made a mistake in movie selection recently that I'd like to share with you so you don't do the same.
I thought Robin Williams' movie World's Greatest Dad was Old Dogs.
The two are very different, World's Greatest Dad was pretty shocking in the first 20 minutes especially for a Robin Williams movie.
It had my husband and I rewinding to see if they said what we thought they said, It's one of those movies where you keep watching trying to see ultimatley what the point is . In the end it was disappointing. Hopefully Old Dogs will be better.