you hurt I hurt

Love letter to my brother at fourty one,
It hurts me to see you deal with genetics or family dynamics that were out of your control and feel like you are diminished as a human being. We are dealt a deck of cards and how you deal with it is really where the story and the strength is.. That said I am so proud of your courageous, brave, spirit; you’re dedication to your sobriety . I guess the question is, where do you go for the inner strength that was not hot wired into the family or built up over time. One thing that has been an answer for me is letting it go. Think of it like a balloon, it’s not helping you so let it go. My biggest birthday wish since we started this on my birthday, was to let it go , for you to let go, the self loathing, the constant negative reel of life’s movie that plays out in your head, the negative conversation that is always in your head. Fight that , fight that. I say this because I share that struggle and I am on the outside of your head and I see you as the great human being you are, flawed , we all are. Your flaws make you beautiful, human. Your struggle is your badge of honor. You said today I’m fighting through major depression and staying sober. That is huge, huge.
I love you for that and your willingness to be vulnerable, to surrender is an inspiration to me. So pay attention to the gifts that are in small and big moments, I have learned from this experience with you. First of all we were there for each other at a very precise moment. That seems like it was meant to be, and I am mindful of the lessons . Because we share the same upbringing, and often the same challenges this is an opportunity to check in with myself and your struggles make me reflective of how am I doing in my own journey. So thank you for that.
I see you as a man who is fighting for the best life , a real and genuine life.
There are many , many people who just give up on that quest for the most genuine life. My wish for you is that you will find that, you deserve it you’ve worked so hard for it . Believe , believe. Lastly know that you are a gift to other people, you have helped many people so don’t be afraid to ask for help. Honesty, Integrity, Authenticity, these are qualities that come to mind when I think of you. Even now and especially during this time of extreme struggle.
So hold on-- I believe in you and a better future.
You deserve it.
Don’t ever question your worth.
I love you deeply in this time of struggle and always.