Love Letter -On Being Thirteen

When Daddy and I found out we were pregnant with you, we decided, when it was time to find out the sex of the baby we wanted to do something different . We asked the sonographer to write down boy or girl and seal it in an envelope. On the day of our wedding anniversary we would open the envelope, and find out whether the most amazing present any parent can ever receive was going to be a boy or a girl. On our anniversary we opened the envelope and here's what it said:

I have to say my first feeling was absolute terror. Don't take that the wrong way here's why: I was afraid you'd put me through what I put my Mother through. Mother -Daughter relationships are known to have some rocky times. As a Mother I had new perspective about what was "being a good Mom" and what I perceived to be ( at the time) her" being an evil mom." I think, in that one glimpse of our future, in my heart I knew we would have similar moments and it might be a long time before you looked back and realized-- being a good Mom is a tough job and nobody plans to do a bad job.

After the initial fear wore off it was pure joy. I was tired some days waiting for you to arrive , I ate ice cream Every Night. I KNOW-- you can't believe that because that is weird for me now. But I think it was the beginning of something. This person like me, but also very different, growing inside of me, changing me, changing who I would be forever.

Thanksgiving came and you were a few days overdue. We had a huge feast as always and I felt so gross afterwards I thought for sure you were going to push your way out that night but it was not meant to be...burp... I can still feel the idigestion.



I'm totally vain but I will take one for the team here.That's me with sharpie on my belly showing the date, two weeks before you were born.


The night you were born was magical. I had the best baby high. I knew better the second time around and I made sure we got to snuggle right away and nurse right away. When they had to take you just to give you the once over in the nursery they brought you back pretty quickly. I still remember what the nurse said "she sure has a lot of spirit."



It was snowing that night and I remember feeling the most amazing sense of peace. It's always so quiet when it snows , you nursed, we snuggled it had to be one of the most profound moments of my life.

Now you're thirteen, how did that happen so fast? How did we go from Maryland and Boris, to California, your green ribby and performing to Titanic to now. Hawaii-- you're a young woman things are changing.
Life , challenges, your beautiful voice, your sense of fashion, music, acting.

What's it like to be a young woman of 13 today?
So very different from when I was a girl. Cell phones, sidekicks, ichat, skype, youtube, disney channel, laptops, media everywhere, images I wasn't bombarded with, 24 hour tv. It's a whole new world, but we're in it together. I know there will be some times when it's not all o.k.. But I want you to know, no matter how hard a day it may be between us , have not doubt, at the end of the day I still love you just as much, more than on the first day our eyes met. When you are sleeping, as long as I can get away with it I'll come in and kiss you and whisper
"love you for always, like you forever as long as I'm living my baby you'll be"
Love you to infinity, Miss Nepenthe.